


Deathstroke, the Pacifier

by Bl4ckHunter



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Babysitting, Crack Fic, Family, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/pseuds/Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot story. Crack fic. Oliver and Sara go on vacation for a week and ask for an old friend Slade Wilson to babysit their 10-year old daughter Mia and each one of them starts to try to hit each others' nerves before they find common ground.
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Sara Lance
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	Deathstroke, the Pacifier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragorn_II_Elessar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/gifts), [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts), [Phillipe363](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipe363/gifts).



> Inspired by Aragorn II Elessar's one-shots 'Laurel the babysitter' and 'The little devil meets THE devil' and 'The Pacifier' comedy film starring Vin Diesel.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own DC Comics or the CW TV shows Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.

One would never expect that his old friend would ask for him this kind of favor. But, children, well, it seemed like an easy job for a retired ASIS operative Slade Wilson. Slade approached the front porch and rang the doorbell, when a ten-year old blonde girl opened and saw a tall man with a beard with an eyepatch and black, almost grey hair, who scared the hell out of her. "Aaah!"

Before Slade could as much as open his mouth, she slammed the door right in his face. Well, not very good first impression for the kid.

* * *

"This is an old friend, Slade Wilson." Oliver explained as Mia sat on the couch, while he introduced Slade. "He'll be looking after you this week."

Mia paled. The huge guy with an eyepatch scared the hell out of her.

"Don't worry, he's a nice man." Sara assured, placing her hand on Mia's shoulder.

"I know I look scary but I promise I'm not gonna hurt you." Slade said and Mia shivered and shifted away, when he touched her shoulder.

"Mommy, I'm scared." Mia held onto Sara's pant leg tightly.

"He's not gonna hurt you, Mia, if you'll be nice." Oliver said. "It's gonna be alright, Mia." He kissed her on her forehead as both parents left, while Slade and Mia stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments.

"Alright, kid, looks like it's just the two of us this week." Slade said as he walked away. "I'll go unpack my things. Be nice."

Mia narrowed her eyes at Slade. No way she was going to stay with this scary big guy. He then put an electronic bracelet on her wrist, which she took reluctantly. "In case of emergency, press this button and I'll come to help you."

* * *

"Who do you think is gonna lose it?" Sara asked.

"I think it can go either way, but Mia should know better than to piss Slade off." Oliver said, wondering who would be more nerve-wracked later but Oliver's bet was on Mia going through ten types of hell with Slade, if she tried to provoke him, which was more than likely.

* * *

Slade was sleeping off on the couch as Mia was planning something to get him to quit. She picked whipped cream and was about to spray it on his face and palm of his hand, but when she touched his hand, on reflex, Slade grappled her wrist and Mia yelped, unable to free herself from his iron grip as Slade slowly opened his one eye and Mia gulped.

"What. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing?" Slade asked slowly.

"Nothing." Mia said as she looked into his eye that was burning a hole into Mia's forehead as he picked the whipped cream container from her hand.

"Exactly what I thought you would." Slade said as he let go and went to sleep, while Mia was clutching her hand. She would have to try something different.

* * *

"Do you have your seatbelt on?" Slade asked as he was about to drive Mia to school and she nodded but soon enough, they ended up in a traffic jam.

"We're gonna be late." Mia said.

"Not on my watch." Slade said as he hit the gas and drove into an alley.

Mia screamed, holding onto the door handle tightly. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a shortcut!" Slade said, driving through a maze of alleys until they were at school. "Right on time. You alright, kid?" He turned to see Mia retch and handed her a paper bag as Mia vomited into it.

* * *

Slade was reading newspapers, when he noticed that the tracker he had handed Mia, went off as he picked his phone. He followed the signal into the sewers until he found the tracker but by that time, his clothes were soaking with sewer water and crap.

* * *

Mia was in the living room, watching TV, when she heard the door open.

"MIA DEARDEN QUEEN!"

Mia almost jumped, when she saw Slade enter, covered in crap and sewer water, fury on his face, seething as his one eye glared down upon her as she was trying _not_ to wet herself as she wrinkled her nose, when he showed her her tracker bracelet. "Alright. No more playing nice."

* * *

Slade had installed electronic locks and cameras observing every single move Mia made, making it unable for her to prank him somehow and she could not take off the tracker because of electric shocks in case of tampering.

* * *

One day, Mia was eating a lunch at school, when a bully stole her lunch and she pressed the panic button on her tracker and Slade immediately drove in as Mia explained everything to him.

"Bullies, huh?" Slade smirked. "Alright, kid, I'll teach you what I taught your daddy. You should know, there's no giving up to these guys."

* * *

Few days later, the bullies tried to steal Mia's lunch again but Mia grabbed the wrist of one of them and slammed him to the ground and the other bullies stared and backed off, when they saw Slade observe. It was obvious her babysitter was not one to be messed with.

When they went home, a mugger tried to mug them in an alley, pointing a gun at them. "Money. Jewels. Now."

Slade turned to Mia, smirking. "Kid, turn around, cover your ears and hum to yourself." Mia did as ordered as Slade disarmed the mugger. "You wanna shoot a kid? You bastard." Mia heard three loud 'slams' and when she turned around, the mugger was on the ground, bruised and bloodied. "These streets are dangerous, kid. I'll teach you how to fight."

* * *

At the end of the week, Oliver and Sara were returning home as Sara was putting the key into the keyhole of the door.

"Who do you think is gonna lose it? Slade or Mia?" Sara asked.

"I'm worried we're gonna have to call the asylum so that they can lock one of them into the psych ward." Oliver said but when they opened the door, they stared in surprise to see Slade and Mia play cards.

"I observed for an hour how your dad tried to make fire until I pulled out a lighter and ignited the sticks. It was fun to see your dad make himself an idiot." Slade said, smiling as Mia giggled, while Oliver flushed in embarrassment and Sara snickered.

"OK, I admit I didn't expect that." Sara said.

"And how about I tell you the one time your parents fell into waterfall, when I taught them rock climbing." Slade said and Oliver and Sara looked at each other awkwardly.

Well, they didn't expect this, when they asked the toughest guy they know to babysit the devious little devil.

"Mom, Dad, can Uncle Slade babysit me next weekend?" Mia asked as Oliver and Sara stared at each other with puzzled looks, wondering what the hell happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Not as funny as I had hoped but I hope you guys had a good laugh.
> 
> So, what do you guys think about it?
> 
> Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter


End file.
